Happy Hour 04/05: Non Sequitur Shots!

♦ I'm not a Washington Wizards fan, but I was looking forward to seeing what Gilbert Arenas could do in this year's playoffs. Watching him and LeBron-Bron go at it last year was some of the most fun I had watching basketball last year. And now that Agent Zero is out for the rest of the season, the Eastern Conference playoffs just won't be as exciting. I should be more scared of Miami and Chicago as a Pistons fan, but Arenas is the guy I didn't want to face in the earlier rounds.

♦ Here's more on the current misery afflicting Wizards fans from Bullets Forever and DC Sports Bog.

♦ Another thing that might scare me as a Pistons fan is if Rip Hamilton decides to lose his damn mind again, as he did last night against Chicago's Tyrus Thomas. What the hell was that? Maybe Rip just wanted an early shower since the Pistons were getting their butts kicked at home (106-88) by the Bulls.

♦ Here's more from Detroit Bad Boys, including the news that the NBA won't suspend Hamilton for his behavior.

♦ By the way, for all the talk about how many technical fouls Rasheed Wallace draws and how he'll draw suspensions because of them, how surprising is it to read that Hamilton is one tech away from sitting out for a game? I had no idea it was like that.

♦ Following John Beilein's official introduction as Michigan men's basketball coach yesterday, I found this Yahoo! Sports column by Adrian Wojnarowski on a message board that should get Wolverines fans really excited.

The article is from January, long before "Michigan" and "John Beilein" would be in the same sentence, and wonders how Beilein's offensive schemes would work in the NBA, not at another school. In Wojnarowski's eyes, that should've been the next jump for Beilein. Somebody show this column to Manny Harris.

♦ And wouldn't it be some cold shit painful irony if Manny Harris ended up going to Tennessee, which was a rumor making the rounds last night? And after all of the down-on-my-knees pleading I did (in private, anyway) for my homeboy Bruce Pearl to come to Ann Arbor. Apparently, that's what Coach meant when he said he could recruit the state of Michigan.

♦ By the way, I know Beilein's doing this now largely because he just got the job, but it's been nice to hear him make the rounds on local radio over the past couple of days. I hope that's something he keeps doing as he settles into the job, and I was glad to see financial provisions attached to doing radio and TV shows, because after Tommy Amaker's media blackout, Michigan's basketball coach has to be out there so much that you almost get sick of him. And so far, it looks like Beilein is up to that task.

♦ From here on out, I think virtually everything I write about baseball will be at Bless You Boys (and it's been going well over there so far), but I thought I'd link to my 2007 Detroit Tigers, AL Central, and MLB season previews.

There's a distinct aroma of homer to my predictions, but it's not like the Tigers aren't actually good enough to follow through on such expectations. For a quick recap, here's how I see the AL Central:

1. Detroit
2. Cleveland
3. Minnesota
4. Chicago
5. Kansas City

Joining the Tigers as AL division winners will be the Yankees and Angels, with the Red Sox as the Wild Card. In the NL, the Braves, Brewers and Dodgers will win their division, and the Mets will take the Wild Card. The Tigers will make it back to the World Series and beat the Dodgers.

Your Most Valuable Players will be Cleveland's Grady Sizemore and the Mets' Jose Reyes. Cy Young Awards will go to Minnesota's Johan Santana and the Cubs' Carlos Zambrano. And the Rookies of the Year will be Boston's Daisuke Matsuzaka (even though he probably shouldn't be eligible for the award) and Arizona's Chris Young.

♦ Finally, is ESPN really devoting two hours of programming tonight to the NFL schedule? C'mon, man - show a frickin' baseball game. The season just started.

The One Boston Celtic I Could Never Hate

Just over two weeks ago, I wrote a little something about the Detroit Pistons' rivalry with the late-1980s Boston Celtics and how my dislike of them formed my identity as a sports fan.

My loathing of Bird, McHale, Parish, and most definitely Danny Ainge was a key formative influence for me as a sports fan.

You might notice the one name I left out. No matter how much I despised the Celtics (like any self-respecting Pistons fan of the late 80's and early 90's), I never quite felt the same way about Dennis Johnson. He wasn't cocky like Bird or arrogant like McHale. He wasn't surly like Parish. And he sure as hell wasn't a whining little baby like Ainge.

He was just a really, really good player who did everything well, and more often than not, was the guy who beat you. He wasn't flashy or boastful. He didn't immediately attract attention. But next to Bird, there may have been no more dangerous player on the court than Dennis Johnson.

To me, it's entirely appropriate that D.J. was the guy who finished one of the most infamous plays in the Pistons-Celtics rivalry (and perhaps all of NBA history), Larry Bird's steal of Isiah Thomas' inbounds pass in Game 5 of the 1987 Eastern Conference Finals. Bird snagged Zeke's pass, but D.J. was the one who cut to the basket and gave that knife the final twist.

Though no other play is immediately as memorable, it seemed like there were plenty of other times Johnson beat the Pistons. (Game 3 of the 1988 Eastern Conference Finals comes to mind, but I can't find any statistical proof to back me up.) And in those instances, all I could do as a Pistons fan was tip my cap. It wasn't personal; the guy was just doing his job. D.J. didn't hold his hand up in a follow-through after making a game-winning shot. If he talked trash to an opponent, no one ever said so. He just made the plays the Celtics needed to win.

As I write this, it's becoming clearer to me why I never held the same animosity toward D.J. as I did for his teammates. Most of the previous paragraphs in this post could've been written about one of my all-time favorite NBA players, Joe Dumars. What Joe D. was to the Pistons, D.J. was to the Celtics. If he had to hit the big shot, he could do it. If he was needed to defend the other team's best player, he did that, too. I'm not sure any guard defended Magic Johnson, despite the obvious height advantage, as well as D.J.

It never occurred to me until reading Bill Simmons' tribute at ESPN.com that Dennis Johnson wasn't in the Pro Basketball Hall of Fame. I just assumed he would be. How can such an integral part of one of the NBA's greatest teams not be in there? Eventually, he surely will be. The man won three championships. He racked up 15,000 points and 5,000 assists. But it's a damn shame that he wasn't able to enjoy such an honor while he was alive.

For that matter, it's also a damn shame that Johnson toiled as a scout and assistant coach without any NBA team ever hiring him for a head coaching position. (That interim gig with the Clippers in 2003 doesn't count.) He died while coaching in the NBA Development League. Meanwhile, three of his teammates from that fearsome Celtics starting lineup - Bird, McHale, and Ainge - scored general manager jobs. (And two of them have proven to be terrible at it.) I realize no one's entitled to be a head coach, but D.J. wouldn't have been a better hire than Dwane Casey, Jim O'Brien, or Doc Rivers?

But I shouldn't be lamenting what didn't happen. This should be about celebrating what did happen, what Dennis Johnson accomplished as an NBA player. He was a champion. Hearing the news of his death was shocking and truly saddening. 52 years old is far too young an age to die.

Happy Hour 02/22: The NBA Trading Dud-line

Hey, would you like to make a trade just so we can say we made one?

Oh, you bet. And this way, my boss will think I'm actually working.

I'm betting such an exchange took place between two NBA general managers at least once today. But most everyone else appears to have been playing Solitaire, clearing out their e-mail, or out of the office to catch up on errands. They sure didn't seem to be working on making any deals or trying to improve their teams. What did we get today?

• Atlanta acquired Anthony Johnson from Dallas for... a second-round draft pick. Johnson is surely thrilled that he gets to join the Hawks for the third time in his career. And how excited are they in Atlanta? The Journal-Constitution's "Hawks Hack" blog has a post titled "Trade brings ANOTHER backup point guard."
  


• Portland shipped Juan Dixon (whom Detroit was reportedly interested in) to Toronto for Fred Jones (who I think won a dunk contest once). The Toronto Star's Raptors beat writer, Doug Smith, brings the sizzle by calling this transaction "a financial thing," and goes into some contract and salary cap stuff. I bet they almost went over the two minutes on "PTI" breaking down that deal.
  


• And Philadelphia dumped Alan Henderson (who hasn't done anything of significance in the league for about six years) on Utah for "the rights to swap 2007 second-round draft picks." They're not even trying to sugarcoat this deal. Stephen A. Smith can't even raise his eyebrows for this one.
  

We'll probably hear about some of the trades that almost got through, only to fall apart at the last minute. Here in Detroit, we're a little disappointed Joe Dumars didn't pick up one more shooter to bolster what looks like the Beast of the East right now. But that will be only the smallest of consolation prizes to anyone anticipating a big, power-shifting deal at the NBA's trading deadline.

And really, hoping for such a deal was probably expecting too much. Very few teams are willing to significantly alter their roster during the season. And with the NBA standings essentially one big cluster#@$%, teams don't want to give up on a playoff run or help a competitor get better. Ultimately, all the fuss is probably just meant to keep ESPN.com's NBA page constantly refreshed. It's a good thing I DVR'ed SportsCenter.

Pat Riley is ready for another sabbatical

Just when he thought he was in, they push him back out.

I'm not trying to imply that Miami Heat coach Pat Riley deliberately decided that the middle of the season - which conveniently coincided with Shaquille O'Neal's recovery from knee surgery - was a good time for procedures on his own knee and hip. I'll just let the Miami Herald's Dan LeBatard come right out and say it for me. (Here's some disagreement from elsewhere in the Herald's sports department.)

But with Dwyane Wade dislocating his shoulder last night - an injury that could keep him on the bench in street clothes for six weeks - I can't help but wonder if Riley's knee and hip are starting to ache more than they did earlier in the week.

I suppose we'll have to wait to see the doctor's prognosis on Wade's shoulder before we know whether or not Riles will find the strength to lead the Heat into a possible playoff run (where we'll surely hear that they're "the team no one wants to face"). But being helped off the court in a wheelchair can't be a good sign.

Was the wheelchair a bit much? Well, I'm no doctor, though I spent enough years in college for the occasional acquaintance to ask if I was going to medical school. Friends who would know better tell me the team physicians needed to keep Wade's shoulder immobilized. And he apparently has been having issues with that shoulder for the past week. I can only imagine how painful a dislocated shoulder must be, so I'm not trying to imply that Wade would exaggerate his agony. That would just make me an @$$hole. However, there has been recorded visual evidence of Wade misrepresenting how he's been thrown to the floor.

Regardless, no one likes to see a team's chances killed by injury. And suddenly, it's not looking so good for Miami's playoff prospects. Judging from the Miami Herald's blogs, it could be over. Israel Gutierrez: "Worst possible scenario? This is pretty much it." Greg Cote: "Wade injury = Heat nightmare." (Gutierrez still thinks the Heat "is still a .500 team or better," however. After all, they do still have The Big Aristotle.)

Of course, this all could just be setting up a glorious comeback story, a further testament to the coaching and leadership genius of Pat Riley. If the Heat somehow manages to make a playoff run without Wade, we'd very likely hear all kinds of praise for this being one of Riley's best coaching jobs ever (despite benefiting from the aforementioned presence of one of the NBA's most unstoppable forces). And that might be enough to keep the coach pacing the sideline all the way into a first-round playoff series with the Detroit Pistons. Will we see you here, Coach?

Why Scottie Wants a Comeback

I spent most of the weekend taking a hard, whiskey-soaked look at myself in the mirror after suggesting that the Detroit Pistons pick up Scottie Pippen - a player I generally despised throughout his career - for their 2007 playoff run. How could it have come to this? Where had my principles gone?

And maybe Pippen asked himself the same questions while deciding whether or not to run his 41-year-old body onto an NBA court again. In his case, however, this might not be an existential, near-to-midlife crisis. The dude might just really need some money.

According to Saturday's St. Louis Post-Dispatch, Pippen owes $5 million on a loan he took out to buy an airplane.

Because of all the flights Pippen was chartering with a busy playing and business schedule, one of the pilots convinced him in 2001 that he would be better off owning his own plane, court documents say. Pippen and his wife, Larsa, formed a company, Air Pip, to buy one.

Though he initially refused to pay the loan, claiming "he was a victim of a conspiracy by those he had trusted to put together the deal," a St. Louis County Circuit Judge rejected that notion and ruled that Pippen is still on the hook for the money. Just last week, the Missouri Court of Appeals upheld the ruling. Gee, if only there was a career offering a salary that could pay off such a massive debt. Could it be mere coincidence that Pippen talked about coming out of retirement three days later?

Could Pippen even expect to make that kind of cash in a short-term playoff comeback? Probably not. Of course, if he were to show he could still play, maybe a team would be willing to sign him for next season. And along the way, maybe Pippen could score some cash from endorsing assorted pain relief products, orthopedic shoes, or financial planners. As long as it helps out an NBA playoff contender, of course.

Happy Hour 02/16: Who Will #2 Work For?

Well, Natalie just beat me to this topic, but over lunch, I noticed that Scottie Pippen is thinking of calling it a comeback for one NBA lucky playoff contender this season. And it was at that point that my digestive system was considering what exactly to do with the sandwich I was scarfing down.

Let me try to be clear about this: I despised Scottie Pippen when he was Michael Jordan's #2 with the Chicago Bulls. It delights me that he still takes crap about sitting out the seventh game of a 1990 playoff series against the Pistons because of a migraine, in what might be one of the most infamous wuss-outs in NBA history. Four years later, Pippen also threw one of the most infamous snits in NBA history when he refused to play the final two seconds of a playoff game because Phil Jackson dared to run a play for Toni Kukoc (who ended up hitting the game-winning shot) instead of him.

And when Jerry Krause decided to break the band up after the Bulls' 1998 NBA title, Pippen opted to find another team with which he could tag along for a championship ride. He actually had a pretty good gig in Houston because he didn't have to be anyone's #2. He could be #3 to Hakeem Olajuwon and Charles Barkley. But that didn't work out for him, so he headed off to Portland where he could again play second, third, or fourth fiddle alongside Rasheed Wallace, Steve Smith, and Damon Stoudamire. No sense in putting any pressure on himself, right?

Pippen's Trail Blazers bandwagon never picked up any trophies either - though they came oh-so-close to an NBA Finals bid in 2000, but lost Game 7 of the Western Conference Finals after blowing a 13-point fourth quarter lead. But nobody's ever been able to squeeze more glory out of being a sidekick than Pippen. Hell, he took being a #2 all the way to that 50 Greatest NBA Players of All Time list.

So now, three years after taking a farewell lap with the Bulls, Pippen (now 41 years old) wants to make another hobo championship run, looking for another title-contending train to hop onto. According to alleged blog hater Sam Smith of the Chicago Tribune (I think he's getting a bad rap there, by the way. Read what he actually said, not just the pull quotes), Pippen thinks he could not only make a contribution on the floor, but on the bench too, as kind of a player/coach. And the list of teams he could help - Suns, Lakers, Nuggets, Rockets, Spurs, Timberwolves, Heat, Cavaliers - is pretty long. Basically, if you have a winning record this season, your NBA team might be getting a call from Pippen's agent.

The only contender that Smith doesn't mention in his article is the Pistons. And here's where we're back to the indigestion I mentioned at the beginning of this post. Pippen might rule out DEE-troit BAS-ket-ball, thinking he could offer more to another team. And he's probably right about that. But - and I can't believe I'm writing this - Pippen could certainly help the Pistons. Many observers have assumed that Joe Dumars is still looking for one more piece to complete this year's team, especially someone that can help on the perimeter. And Pippen fills a lot of needs on Joe D's checklist.

He could back up Chauncey Billups at point guard. He can shoot the three. He can also back up Tayshaun Prince at small forward, where - perhaps most importantly - he could supply another body to stick on Gilbert Arenas, LeBron James, or Dwyane Wade in a playoff series. And as much as I've ripped Pippen here, he's been a good defensive player with a talent for steals. About the only thing he wouldn't help the Pistons with is getting rid of Flip Murray and Nazr Mohammed in exchange for his services.

I like to consider myself a proud man. But I could be persuaded to root for a jersey. I've already made significant progress in that area with Chris Webber. And hey, I've had plenty of practice converting my disdain for a former Chicago rival into admiration and support with Chris Chelios. If you had told the Ian of 10 Years Ago that Chelios would not only join the Red Wings, but also become one of his favorite players, Ian of 10 Years Ago might have taken a swing at you, and also tried to kick you as he was being held back.

So anything's possible. But wait a minute... is that a migraine I feel developing in my forehead?

Could the NBA mess up Kevin Durant?

Last week, Complete Sports asked the question that surely must be nagging at each of the crappy teams in the NBA: Who would you take with the #1 pick, Greg Oden or Kevin Durant?

The general consensus seemed to favor Oden, since his size and skills are a rarer find in today's NBA. And once he finds the offense to go with his defensive talents, watch out!

But a few said they'd go with Durant, because you don't see too many 6' 10" (or is he 6' 9"?) forwards who can shoot and handle the ball like he can. Some have gone so far as to say he could "redefine" his position, though it seems to me that Kevin Garnett and Dirk Nowitzki have already paved that road.

Over at Slate.com, however, Nathaniel Friedman makes the argument that being drafted by the wrong NBA team could seriously screw with Durant's development.

The very thing that makes him great, his versatility, will make Durant a mixed blessing for some eager lottery team. Basketball is a game of positions, roles, and responsibilities. Point guards pass, shooting guards score, small forwards slash, power forwards do the dirty work, and centers control the paint. A player who can do all of these things poses lots of problems for opposing defenses. By the same token, the more a player deviates from basketball's traditional typology, the more difficult it becomes to assemble a roster around him.

For instance, Kevin Garnett can do so many things well, he's often let the Minnesota Timberwolves off the hook. He's tall enough to defend power forwards and centers, so the T-Wolves have never really felt the need to acquire a good big man. And he's talented enough to be "the man," but might not have the killer instinct necessary to be the "go-to guy." So Minnesota's never brought in a cold-blooded scorer to play alongside him.

Contrast that with how Dallas has assembled a roster of tougher big men and explosive scorers around Nowitzki, so he can focus on what he does best.

So which team could be the best fit for Kevin Durant? Boston? Memphis? Philadelphia? Which one will decide to either utilize his versatility or force him to stick to a position? And is it better to be creative or go with a formula that's worked over the years?

Happy Hour 02/09: Kobe Explains All

Thursdays are more about regular TV than sports to me, but I did make sure to tune in for the Pistons-Lakers game last night. And it wasn't even because I thought it would be a compelling inter-conference match-up. No, I just like watching the Pistons beat Kobe Bryant.

It's even more enjoyable when Kobe beats himself, as he did in the 2004 NBA Finals. Natalie mentioned it in her game recap over at Need4Sheed, and I loved being reminded of that. Do you think Kobe realizes that if he had only passed the ball to Shaq more, it could've been a much different series? Ben Wallace simply could not stop The Big Aristotle in the post, yet Kobe had to make it about Kobe, so he kept jacking up threes and dribbling into traps.

But let's talk about the present. When Kobe's held below 20 points (on just 13 shots), I think you could call that a disappointing game for him. Eight turnovers would seem to confirm that.

Did the Pistons' combination of zone and man-to-man defenses frustrate Kobe? Was Detroit so successful because assistant coach Ron Harper understands how best to defend the triangle offense, as Phil Jackson (who, in what's become comically typical, gave the Pistons as little credit as possible) asserted?

No way! In the world according to Kobe, it's because those pesky Pistons just kept fouling him. Check out the last two paragraphs from the L.A. Times' game story:

Kobe Bryant had 18 points, eight turnovers and, by his count, five scratches on his arms from Pistons defenders.

"They have a reputation for their defense," Bryant said. "They got away with getting some of our guys across the arms."

Of course. What the hell were the Pistons doing out there? Didn't they know they're not supposed to touch Kobe? Tayshaun Prince isn't even supposed to look at Kobe. C'mon, he's the Black Mamba (which Detroit Bad Boys has hilariously pointed out is the name of a female Marvel Comics super-villain)! Hopefully, the memo gets to Detroit before the next time the Lakers come to town.

By the way, I don't know if Phil Jackson was only talking about this because he was asked about it by reporters while revisiting the site of his only championship loss, but if losing that series to Detroit is something still bugging him to this day, well, that brings a smile to my face.

Man, I love it when the Lakers come to town!

Happy Hour 02/07: Detroit Pistons Shots!

[Hey, it's Happy Hour in Hawaii right now, okay? So I spent the day avoiding all this National Signing Day ruckus...]

♦ I know the Celtics have been historically terrible this season, but I finally got to witness the brutality myself last night against the Pistons. And throughout the entire game, all I could think about was how much I used to hate the Boston Celtics. My loathing of Bird, McHale, Parish, and most definitely Danny Ainge was a key formative influence for me as a sports fan.

I don't even know who these guys are right now. But I do know they pissed me off last night for not being the team worthy of my formerly white-hot hatred. Aingie, you're doing a heckuva job.

♦ Best post-game quote? "Yeah," said Richard Hamilton, when asked if he could relate to the Celtics' losing streak. "My rookie year in Washington we only won (19) games. That ain't cool." No, sir!

♦ Surely you have read this already (especially since I'm doing this so late), and perhaps multiple times, but if you haven't, Detroit Bad Boys posted a tremendous interview yesterday with Detroit Free Press Pistons beat writer Krista Jahnke. If you want to know what it's like to cover a team on a daily basis (plus, being the new kid on that particular block), she provides some insight for you.

In my limited amount of sportswriting experience, I've seen several beat reporters in action, and I'm confident I could not do that job. That is tough work on deadline, man. I can only imagine the stress they feel some nights.

♦ On a more personal note, I also root for Krista Jahnke because on the couple of occasions I've interacted with her, she's been pretty damn cool with me. Back when I wrote about sports on my personal blog, (and before we had blogs like Detroit Bad Boys and Need4Sheed to show us the way), she interviewed me for a Freep piece on Pistons bloggers before Game 7 of the 2005 NBA Finals. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on your view), I was cut from the final article.

And back in October, when I wrote a Pistons season preview for Motor City Sports Magazine, Krista was one of several writers and analysts who took the time to give me some good stuff for my article. I remember underlining her comment about the Pistons "being so arrogantly man-to-man" on defense several times. (She rightly predicted how the Flip Murray signing would work out, too.)

♦ Over at ESPN.com, Ben Wallace is among John Hollinger's 15 most disappointing NBA players (subscription required). Yeah, that's a shame. Somewhere in Auburn Hills, Joe Dumars might be kicking back with a "Man, I look smarter every day on that one!" cigar.

Happy Hour 01/16: The Webber Presser

♦ Chris Webber's face went from smiling and youthful to aged and tortured in about five seconds. He had to expect some questions from the media about what happened at Michigan, and how he might deal with that upon his return to Detroit. But to ask for an apology - or expect one - is probably hoping for too much.

Did he dodge the question by saying today was about the Pistons? Did he sound like Mark McGwire when he said he didn't want to get into what happened 15 years ago? I certainly think so. Webber can't possibly be naive enough to think that people have forgotten about this. He could smooth over everything with a simple one-sentence mea culpa.

But such hard feelings might be limited to Ann Arbor, and not representative of the Detroit sports fan base as a whole. And ultimately, as Terry Foster pointed out in his blog today, Webber is a Detroiter, not necessarily a Michigan Wolverine. That's what he's coming home to.

♦ Having said all that, I wonder if Michigan basketball coach Tommy Amaker might be misreading the situation by saying he'd welcome Webber back to Crisler Arena. After all, quite a few banners had to come down because of the money that he and his contemporaries accepted. And of course, there's also that infamous time-out he called in the 1993 national championship game.

Sure, I understand why Amaker would want Webber stopping by practice, appearing at games, and maybe sitting behind the U-M bench. Young players who either remember C-Webb from his "Fab Five" days or know him from the NBA would take notice. That's a hell of a recruiting tool for a program in sore need of a draw.

And maybe Amaker looks at a half-empty Crisler Arena most nights, with a city and campus that doesn't seem to care much about his program, and questions whether or not it's worth placating some hard feelings in the area. In his eyes, maybe he doesn't believe people could even be bothered to express outrage at this point. So what is there to lose?

♦ If you're wondering why Webber made the bizarre choice of 84 for his uniform number (we know he wasn't getting #4), he explained during the presser that his six-year-old nephew saw him wearing #84 in a dream. And at the end of that dream, the Pistons won the game. So that's what's going on the back of his jersey.

And here I thought it might be a tribute to the '84 Tigers or former Lions receiver Herman Moore. Oh well.

(Thanks to Kevin Antcliff for the link. More on KA tomorrow, by the way.)

♦ Sports Illustrated's Marty Burns isn't a fan of the Pistons signing Webber, largely because of his defensive shortcomings. Among the people he quotes in this article are a Western Conference scout who says "he's awful" and "can't play anymore," an anonymous Chicago Bull who thinks Detroit would be "crazy" to trade Antonio McDyess to make room for Webber, and various San Antonio Spurs who don't seem to care about the move.

♦ And finally, while looking up some stuff to possibly make a Thomas Wolfe (You Can't Go Home Again) reference, I was reminded that the main character in Wolfe's novel is named George Webber. Think about that when you close your eyes and try to fall asleep tonight.

The Prodigal Son Returns

I pretty much said my piece on Chris Webber coming to the Pistons last week, so I'll try not to rehash it. After making the case that I didn't think he would sign with Detroit (and arguing over it with a few friends), I came to realize that it wasn't so much that I didn't think he could help the Pistons. Regardless of how his skills have diminished, I think it's clear that he's an upgrade over their current big men (or "bigs," as we like to say these days). And judging from the ovation he received at the Palace yesterday, the fans seem to agree.

So it must be that I belong among those that still hold a grudge over what he did to the Michigan basketball program. And I'm not saying that's rational. Webber was just a kid when he took those money-filled handshakes from Ed Martin. Many of us have done stupid stuff in our late teens that we regret as adults.

Sure, I still grind my teeth when I think about Webber complaining that he couldn't even afford a pizza while he was stuffing his pockets with thousands of forbidden dollars.

But he was right to point out the hypocrisy of a school pulling in millions of dollars in jersey and apparel sales from an athlete's notoriety while cutting those same kids off from the money they helped bring in. Even if Webber really didn't have an ideological leg to stand on, it was still an issue very much worth raising.

Besides, the Michigan athletic department has had many years since Webber's money-filled handshakes with Ed Martin to try and fix the damage that occurred, and generally botched the job with failures to react to such boosters, along with bad coaching hires since Steve Fisher was dismissed.

I guess what I'm saying is I should get over my grudge. Maybe I will. But I felt like Webber was dead to me when those penalties were handed down by the NCAA. And I chalked it up to karma when he suffered that knee injury in the 2003 playoffs that affects him to this day. Letting go of that won't happen overnight.

However, another NBA title would surely go a long way toward letting bygones be bygones. (And if that championship came with a little humility from Webber, it'd be even nicer.) The Pistons obviously needed a push, something to freshen up what's become somewhat stale. It holds some underperforming players (Nazr Mohammed) accountable for their lack of production and puts the rest of the roster - including the coaching staff - on notice.

Perhaps most importantly, this allows the other dominoes to fall for Joe Dumars. This very likely isn't the last move he makes. One of the bigs has to go. Long-range shooting and quality back-up point guard play have been constantly elusive for the Pistons since their last championship, and this gives Joe D yet another chance to address those needs. And with the Eastern Conference in its current state, such moves should make Detroit a favorite to return to the NBA Finals.

Redemption, forgiveness, affirmation, and success. They're all ingredients that could make for a compelling story, if the ending works out as everyone hopes.

Don't blow it, Chris.

Friday Follow-Up #3: Webber, Due West?

While several reports have Chris Webber joining the Detroit Pistons as soon as Monday, indications are starting to sneak out that such a homecoming might not happen, after all.

Webber's agent, Aaron Goodwin, spoke to the Los Angeles Times to address the possibility of his client signing with the Lakers, and said there was one big factor working in their favor: "Chris loves Los Angeles."

Terry Foster of the Detroit News, however, wrote on his blog that the Lakers might not be the L.A. team C-Webb really wants to play for. He wouldn't have to share the ball with Kobe Bryant if he played for the Clippers.

In addition, Webber might be saying he'd like to join the Pistons, but telling others he'd prefer to avoid the pressure that might come with playing in his hometown. Could it be that he's trying to gauge public interest, and if he finds out that there's still a grudge held against him in metro Detroit, he's just as soon not deal with that?

And if he truly has reservations about being expected to help Detroit back to championship glory, is that the kind of guy the Pistons really need on their roster?

Happy Hour 01/11: The Tangled Web Webber Weaves

The rumblings began over the weekend that Philadelphia might show Chris Webber the door, and today it became official - though the Sixers still sent C-Webb on his way with a sweet check (for presumably less than the $43 million remaining on his contract) to stick in his pocket.

That leads to the question of where Webber will end up next, and when that's the case, the possibility of returning to Detroit to play for his hometown team inevitably comes up. And the Pistons are among the five teams Webber is interested in joining, now that he's a free agent. So would he be a good match with DEE-troit BAS-ket-ball?

According to some reports - for instance, ESPN's Chris Broussard earlier today on "Cold Pizza" - it's close to a done deal. I'm hardly an expert (though I love to try and pretend I'm one here), but I think Webber and the Pistons are a bad fit.

Could the Pistons use Webber? Well, sure - it wouldn't hurt to have someone with his talent, even if it's not what he used to be. Detroit's been pretty inconsistent this season, especially with Chauncey Billups' calf injury. Fortunately, the Eastern Conference's mediocrity has allowed the Pistons to remain near the top of the standings.

He'd be a fantastic sixth man. And with fewer minutes to tire him out, Webber might find some of the energy we remember him having - much as it has with another formerly explosive player, Antonio McDyess. But that presents an immediate question. Would he be willing to come off the bench here, as McDyess has, or would he want to be a starter?

For some Pistons fans, the answer is a no-brainer. Webber's an obvious upgrade over Nazr Mohammed, so get him. I'm sure Flip Saunders is at least intrigued by the idea of being able to run some offense through Webber at the high post. And maybe C-Webb could start while Rasheed Wallace comes off the bench, something that Saunders has been toying with - for whatever reason - over the last couple of games.

However, it's play in the low post that Detroit's been lacking - and has been for the last few years. If Webber was willing to do what 'Sheed isn't - get down low and pound the ball in the lane - then he might be a better fit here. But he's never been the type of player who's comfortable with his back to the basket. And those knees don't allow him to leap over defenders as he used to.

Plus, if he was on the roster, Webber would take minutes away from the one guy who seems interested in fighting for points down low: Jason Maxiell. Maxiell's one of the reasons Joe Dumars wouldn't open the vault to re-sign Ben Wallace, and at this point, I think it might be in the Pistons' better interests to continue his development, rather than stunt his growth by relegating him to a practice player and bench warmer.

But that's just talking about the on-court stuff. It's the off-court side to this potential pairing that concerns me. I think a lot of people still hold one hell of a grudge against Webber for actions that virtually destroyed the University of Michigan basketball program.

In addition, when Webber was a free agent back in 2002 and had a chance to sign with the Pistons, he criticized the organization for playing its games in Auburn Hills, a Detroit suburb, rather than within the city limits. Of course, a big reason he may have opted to stay in Sacramento was that Michigan had just been freshly penalized by the NCAA. Not only was it revealed that Webber took almost $300,000 from a booster, but he lied about it to a grand jury.

And I think plenty of hard feelings remain over that. I'd go so far as to say that even though he's a Detroiter, he's hated in this area. But that might be some of my Ann Arbor bias showing through. Maybe time has healed some wounds and I'm misreading the Detroit fanbase. I'm sure plenty of Pistons fans would be willing to forgive and forget if Webber gave the team 20 points and 10 rebounds a night, and helped DEE-troit BAS-ket-ball regain its championship contender status.

Then again, there's still that timeout many of us can't forget...

Happy Hour 01/08: Big Ben Strikes Back

Saturday night's game against Chicago seemed like a fine time to rediscover this season's Detroit Pistons, and try to get back into the NBA.

It wasn't too difficult to get excited about playing a long-time (though recently dormant) rival, one which happened to steal away the face of DEE-troit BAS-ket-ball in the offseason. I have to admit, however, I frequently flipped channels between Pistons-Bulls and Cowboys-Seahawks.

So two days later, here's what I want to know: Who was that big man for the Bulls, drop-stepping into the lane and floating turn-around jumpers over the Pistons' frontcourt?

Say what? That was Ben Wallace? The same Big Ben who sometimes looked like he wore oven mitts on the court? As if he'd never been passed a basketball in his life?

12 points, 14 rebounds, three steals, and six blocks from Chicago's new #3?

Bulls 106, Pistons 89?

Well, at least Ben's old teammates got to give him $#!+ about Scott Skiles' ridiculous no-headband rule.

And we'll see what happens when Big Ben returns to the Palace on February 25.

He couldn't let Nick Saban get all the press

When Nick Saban bolted Miami for Alabama this week, one of the first things that came to mind (besides calling him a liar, weasel, and coward) was to compare him to everyone's favorite coaching nomad, Larry Brown.

Apparently, L.B. heard that, stopped lighting cigars with all of the $100 bills he stole from the Knicks, called Joe Glass, and said (in his typically sleepy drone):

"Hey, there's only one Larry Brown. I can't let this Saban guy steal my thunder. He didn't even quit the right way. He didn't even get more money from the Dolphins on his way out the door.

I'll show 'em. I'll show 'em all. Where's my next job, Joey?"

And so we have the triumphant return of Larry Brown to the city of Philadelphia, where he'll be named an executive vice president with the 76ers today. Among his duties will be assisting Sixers general manager Billy King with basketball operations, along with the hilariously vague responsibility of "special projects." (Surely such tasks will include counting all the cash Brown swindled from the Pistons and Knicks, making sure Allen Iverson stays away from Philly, and looking for the next job he'll be taking within a year or two.)

▪▪ Also very much worth noting from Phil Jasner's report in the Philadelphia Inquirer is that the Sixers are currently exploring a buyout of Chris Webber's contract.

Any chance someone is smiling over a pin-riddled voodoo doll in the University of Michigan athletic department right now? Basketball karma is quite a b!+@#, is she not?

Some crow with your haterade, sir?

Okay, I've been a bit of a hater with Kobe Bryant this season, so when his team beats my team, I have to eat it. That haterade tasted nasty when I watched a tape of the fourth quarter on Sunday morning. I taped the rest of the game because I went to bed midway through the third quarter. Why? Bill Laimbeer (arrogantly) said the Pistons already had the game.

Apparently, the guys in the blue jerseys heard that, too. During a six-minute stretch between the third and fourth quarters, the Pistons went cold, while the Lakers ran off 18 unanswered points. Oops. Detroit went on to lose the game, 105-94.

Detroit Bad Boys broke down the 18-0 stretch in painful detail. And while looking at each of the shots the Pistons missed in those six minutes, one of the major reasons for Detroit's recent struggles is glaringly obvious. They're settling for too many jump shots.

And here's the part that had me roasting crow for dinner last night. Kobe Bryant, despite scoring 40 points in the game, didn't notch a single point during that run. His teammates, the players whose primary role seemed to be standing around to watch Kobe shoot, scored those 18 points (led by Lamar Odom's nine). How about them apples?

So today, I'm still munching on crow. Considering it came from the Kobe Lovers Club, I probably should've had someone else taste it first.

Day late Haterade

I'm a day late on this, but after seeing that Paul Pierce scored 50 points in Wednesday's 113-109 loss to the Cleveland LeBrons, one thought came to mind: Man, I still can't stand Kobe Bryant.

Wait, wait, wait - what does one have to do with the other? Pierce plays for the Celtics, Kobe for the Lakers. And Pierce's team lost! Kobe's team won when he scored 31 more points!

Hey, who said hatin' was rational? By the way, the phenomenon known as Kobe Hatin' has found its way to the comics page.


Okay, you got me - that's the only reason I brought Kobe up. I just wanted to run the strip.

(Image from "Housebroken" ©2006 Steve Watkins)

When Kobe plays a great team

Previously at Sweaty Men Endeavors:

"Man. Y can't ya'll accept greatness as it is?

"Haters need to shut up."

"This is probably just straight out Kobe hating."

"It's pretty damn sad that no matter what Kobe does he is still gonna get hated on."

You know, being called a "hater" last week hurt me. My mother and sister shook their heads and told me I wasn't raised that way. Friends called me up and asked what had happened to the man they once knew. Little kids kicked me in the shins. Dogs pooped on my lawn. Worst of all, people left me alone at the bar while I cried over many, many shots of whiskey. Alone, with my tears.

So I took a long dip in "Lake Me," and pondered what I wrote about Kobe Bryant. If I preferred to point out Kobe's selfishness, calling him a "ball hog," rather than appreciate his 81 points, what kind of a basketball fan was I? What kind of person did that make me?

Kobe's performance was almost the greatest individual scoring total in NBA history. Yet he accumulated those 81 points against the Toronto Raptors, who are currently tied for the third-worst record in the league. (Which team are they tied with? Larry Brown's New York Knicks. Uh-oh. What's that I taste in my morning coffee? Is that hatorade?)

But what would happen when Kobe played a real team, one with the best record in the NBA? This is the true story, of two teams, picked to play in an arena, oppose each other, and have their game taped. To find out what happens, when players stop being being polite, and start getting real. Last night, at the Palace of Auburn Hills, was the real world.

And in the real world, Kobe is a phenomenal talent. Racking up 39 points against what's probably the best defense in the NBA is certainly impressive. However, approximately 17 of those points were scored against Detroit's second-string defenders, while Tayshaun Prince was on the bench. And he needed 28 shots to get that total (and, really, when you take the fouls into consideration, it was around 35 shots), which was twice the number of anyone else in the Lakers' lineup. But as many pointed out last week, I wouldn't pass the ball to Kwame Brown, either. (Kwame's shot total? Two. But in fairness, the other starters shot in double figures. And Kobe had one more assist than he did last week, so you know he's trying.)

Basketball is a beautiful game when one guy runs into three or four defenders and throws up a shot while three of his teammates stand wide-open, isn't it? But hey, Kobe scored baskets in several of those instances. To not acknowledge that (or point out any three-pointers taken 25 feet away from the basket) is, quite frankly, straight-out hatin'. And I don't want to be a hater. It's too expensive to buy all that whiskey while wallowing in self-loathing.

On the other side of the court, however, the team that was actually built as a team, not an individual showcase for a glory hog, had each of its starters score in double figures. And at the end of the game, the Pistons tallied more points, which resulted in a win. How about that? Detroit 102, Los Angeles 93. That was Detroit's 11th straight win, by the way. And they're 37-5 on the season. The Lakers are 23-20.

Does pointing that out make me a hater?

"Best team in the league right now," Kobe said to the L.A. Times after the game. "Not much to say."

Actually, Kobe, I think you said it all.

A little hatorade with my morning coffee?

Have I become a jaded basketball fan? Why else would I be less than enthusiastic about Kobe Bryant's 81-point performance last night? Obviously, it's impressive; 81 points is the second-highest scoring total in NBA history. Only Wilt Chamberlain has scored more in a game.

But I'm glad this happened on the same day as the NFL conference championship games. Kobe's been overshadowed, relegated to third place in the sports news of the day - at least on the broadcasts and web pages I've seen and heard this morning. Sorry, Kobe. I just saw the highlights on SportsCenter, and I'm reading the recaps of the game at latimes.com and ESPN.com, so I know this really happened.

And I probably agree with Marc Stein, who said that Kobe's 81 points is more impressive than Wilt's 100 because Kobe plays on the perimeter and can't just overpower opponents as Wilt did. Also, the Lakers were twice down by 18 points in the game, but came back to beat Toronto, 122-104.

Yet here I am, shrugging my shoulders. It's not that I'm jaded, though I'm not nearly the NBA fan I used to be. How can you not love basketball after watching our beloved Detroit Pistons (now 33-5) play? (And how sweet was that reverse dunk by Ben Wallace at the end of last night's game?) No, it's that I just can't stand Kobe Bryant. Have we seen a more outwardly selfish player? Dominique Wilkins often seemed more interested in putting on a show. And Allen Iverson's a ball-hog. But did either of those guys have the apparent disdain for his teammates that Kobe does? Here's a quote from Mike Bresnahan's story in today's LA Times: "As the Lakers seemed to be slipping toward a third straight loss, Bryant seethed and had little to say to his teammates."

Wouldn't the Lakers have given the Pistons more of a series in the 2004 NBA Finals if Kobe had made an effort to pass the ball to Shaq? (Not that I'm complaining, mind you.) Don't you get the sense that Kobe is scoring all of these points not because he has to, but because he wants to? It's not necessarily that Kobe thinks this is the only way the Lakers can win games. Judging from the boxscore of last night's game, it doesn't appear that his teammates gave him much help. But since Kobe took 46 shots, how would we really know? It seems like this is how Kobe wants to win games.

And as a basketball fan, I think that stinks. I don't want to see that. Sure, it's fun to see someone take over a game and have a dominating performance. But only when it happens within the natural flow of a game. Basketball is so much more fun to watch when everyone is involved, when there's passing, cutting, and motion around the court, when teammates set screens to get shooters open, when guys make great passes to set up open shots. That's not Lakers basketball right now.

You know what else shouldn't be Lakers basketball? Those hideous white home uniforms. Wear the gold next time you score 80, Kobe.

(Photo by Lori Shepler/ Los Angeles Times)