The train wreck begins Sunday at 1 p.m.

Given how interested I was in last night's Dolphins-Steelers game, I might be more ready for football than I thought. (Actually, I think I just enjoyed watching a sporting event that I wasn't agonizing over, as I'd been with the Tigers for the past month.)

Unfortunately, the start of the NFL season means our beloved Honolulu Blue-clad gridiron gladiators - the Detroit Lions - must also begin playing. And I believe I'm with the rest of the crowd (other than The Sports Dude, who clearly found some wacky tobacky during his vacation up north); I can't remember being less excited about a new pro football season. I think this could be very, very ugly - especially for the first few weeks of the schedule.



I'm actually less optimistic now than when I wrote a Lions Preview for Motor City Sports Magazine, which is now posted at the mag's brand new website. Back then, I was so young, fresh, and full of hope, still excited about what Mike Martz's new offense might offer. (Yet I still predicted a 6-10 record.) Now, especially after watching their efforts during the pre-season, I feel much like I often do before family dinners at the holidays. I don't even want to deal with it.

Two of Matt Millen's first-round draft picks - who were supposed to be cornerstones for the team - have been told to leave. The new head coach is flying his team cross-country mere hours before they play a game. And one of his assistants is ordering Wendy's single combos with no clothes on.

I'm still intrigued by the Lions' new offense. The most exciting moment of the off-season was when Martz joined the coaching staff. Even though Roy Williams seems to be the only player who could remotely be considered a superstar, I like Martz's track record of creating an offense worth watching. And really, could it possibly be worse than anything Steve Mariucci's staff drew up?

The defense, however, nearly has me curled up in the fetal position. I just don't think Rod Marinelli and Donnie Henderson have the players that can make their scheme work. What the hell happened to that linebacker corps? And did you see what Randy Moss did to Detroit's secondary in a pre-season game? If the defensive line can't make plays, this thing could be scarier than The Exorcist.

While I consider whether or not I'd be better off going to the movies on Sunday, here are what others are predicting for the Ford Field Follies:

• The Armchair Quarterback picks the Lions to finish 3rd in the NFC North.
• So does Complete Sports.
• Salon.com's King Kaufman has Detroit finishing in last place.
• Bill Simmons gives the Lions a thumbs-up for hiring Mike Martz.
• The Gatorade Dump is spiked, looking at a first-place finish (11-5!).
  
• Sports Illustrated's Peter King is apparently dipping in The Sports Dude's stash, and is looking at a 9-7 record. (Best case scenario, 11-5? Is he #@$ing kidding?)
• King's colleague, Dr. Z, proves much more rational with his 6-10 prediction.