Sweaty Men Endeavors

The sports blog with the slightly gay name

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Oh, my Craig Monroe!!!

The grand slam against the White Sox was big. The 10th-inning single that beat Minnesota was huge. The eighth-inning home run against Cleveland? Also very, very large.

I've written about Craig Monroe's late-inning magnificence on three previous occasions, and each time, I told myself there are no more ways to describe his mastery of the clutch.

And then he goes and does this.

A three-run homer in the top of the ninth? With two outs? In Yankee Stadium? In a September game that really matters?

I'm not even going to try and capture this man's heroic exploits anymore. Because earthly words can no longer do justice to his feats. Craig Monroe has transcended the ability of mortal language to accurately portray his greatness.

They can start doing Tigers' play-by-play on Mount Olympus. Or Zeus better start blogging. At the very least, he should give up his place on the throne to Craig Monroe. The dude is swinging a thunderbolt.

I was on the phone with Brian of Beyond Boxscores during that ninth inning. Here's an excerpt from that conversation:

"So what are you doing for the holiday?"

"Oh, I don't know... we might have a cookout, invite over some--

"OHMYGOD!!!! OH!! MY!! GOD!!!"

"HOLY $#!+!!!"


"DID HE... ?



After reliving that exchange, I realize that there's something the language of mortal men can do to pay homage to Craig Monroe. We can change the modern vernacular. I know old habits are hard to break. But please give this some consideration.

I'm talking about exclamation. What can you say the next time you get that overdraft notice from the bank? I'm sorry - let's think a little happier. What can you scream the next time you have an orgasm? Okay, maybe that's a bit extreme. How about the next time you're in disbelief and feel the need to share? We know what you used to say. But try tweaking it a bit, to invoke our new higher power.


How does that work for you? I think it has potential. It's certainly appropriate, no? I bet several Detroit Tigers were screaming it tonight. Scott Proctor may have been sobbing it through tears into his glove. Give it a try this holiday weekend, and see what happens. Get back to me later. Tell me how others respond.

And Craig? You keep doing that thing that you do.

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