The Dream of the Big Tuna

Did you watch The Office last week? If you're not familiar with it, there was a scene in which Jim asks Ryan if he wants to play a prank on Andy, who's been bugging the hell out of everyone. Ryan declines by saying, "Not right now. But ask me again ten years ago."

That's how I've felt when hearing or seeing "Bill Parcells" and "Detroit Lions" used in the same sentence over the past couple of days.

That ship sailed long ago, man. Depending on whether or not you choose to believe reports from a few years ago, the Lions had a chance with Parcells, but opted to keep on riding the Matt Millen gruel train. (Go ahead - it's okay to cry. I'm getting misty, too.)

Of course, this could've just been written off as a silly sports talk radio or message board fanboy fantasy. At least until Drew Sharp decided to use that scenario as the subject of his column in today's Detroit Free Press.

And with that, let us all get down on our knees and bow before the prophet that is Big Al. Or just tip your caps if you don't want to get your pants dirty. I understand. Laundry sucks.

But c'mon, he totally nailed this one. You could argue that it wasn't too much of a stretch to predict that one of Detroit's sports columnists would phone it in with this topic today. But I choose to praise Big Al for having his finger so firmly on the pulse of the local sports media. And if you don't care to join me, that's okay - Big Al praised himself already. (We kid because we love, Al.)

It seems pretty clear that Parcells' coaching days are over, so let's focus more on whether or not he'd be a good general manager. I think he would be. Parcells knows how to put together a winning football team. He left the Patriots because he wasn't entirely allowed to make those decisions, but proved he could do it with the Jets and Cowboys.

Was it ultimately a disappointment that the Cowboys didn't make it to the Super Bowl under his guidance? Probably. But they sure improved while he was there.

However, the Detroit Lions are just too large a rebuilding project at this point for Parcells to take on at this point. Once the Fords finally face reality and fire Millen after one more "... or else!" season, there will be one hell of a mess to clean up. We're probably looking at another three-to-five year process. I can't imagine Parcells would have the patience for that. Not at his age.

And if that sounds ageist, I certainly don't mean it to. It's not necessarily the number. It's the number of football miles that Parcells has put himself through in those 65 years. Coaching pro football is a punishing job (largely by choice). For their general manager position, the Lions need someone young enough to bring some energy to the challenge. They need fresh blood to tap.

Besides, do we really want to see Parcells have the soul sucked out of his remaining years by dealing with this mess? All the blonde hair dye in the world wouldn't hide that. Look how much Millen has aged during his six years in Detroit. You can't possibly want that on your hands. For the sake of his health, I hope he's not even tempted.