Kevin Antcliff or "Jeremy Bates"?

Last Friday, Evander Holyfield returned to boxing to fight "Jeremy Bates," an "insurance salesman in "Parkersville, WV." But sources told Sweaty Men Endeavors that there was more to the story, and upon a closer look, we might find a familiar face. So the SME investigative team investigated the story, along with an intriguing correlation between the fight in Dallas and one Mr. Kevin Antcliff deciding to bring his blog to an end.

Coincidence? Well, that's why the SME investigative team investigates.

The question became a national curiosity when Deadspin picked up the story in its weekend coverage. Hundreds of readers tried to draw a connection between a bald-headed, goateed man stepping away from his blog just one day before another bald-headed, goateed man fought Evander Holyfield in Dallas.

Answers were demanded. And the SME investigative team serves the people. We tracked down Kevin Antcliff via Buddy List at his Colorado home, and he agreed to sit down for an exclusive interview, which you will only read here. Nowhere else. Not even Kevin's own blog. Because he's not blogging anymore.

Here's the interview:

Me: Kevin, first of all, thank you for agreeing to this interview. I know you're a busy man.

Kevin: Not really, but you're welcome, anyway. Hold on, Ian... Can we stop for a minute? I've had a BANGING headache for like, a week. I'm gonna grab some Ibuprofin real quick.

Me: You've been feeling this way for a week, you say?

KA: Roughly, yes. Friday will be about a week. Oh, wow. My nurse just told me today IS Friday. How messed up is that?

Me: You have a nurse? How long have you had one?

KA: No, I said maid. No need for a nurse.

Me: No, you said nurse.

KA: Nope. Why would I say nurse?

Me: You typed it, Kevin. It's right there.

KA: Huh. But today IS Friday?

Me: How long have you had a nurse, Kevin?

Kevin: My maid started last Saturday.

Me: What exactly does your "maid" do for you?

KA: Well...I mean, like cleaning. And she helps me move my arms and remember my name.

Me: She helps you move your arms?

KA: Hey, it's my pleasure. I'm glad to talk to you.

Me: Kevin, where were you last Friday night?

KA: Who?

Me: You. Kevin Antcliff. Where were you last Friday night?

KA: Me. Right. Friday. I was in a meeting.

Me: A meeting.

KA: I think so, yes. Sorry. Did I pass out again, or did you just not ask any questions?

Me: You've been passing out?

KA: I hope not. That would suck.

Me: Kevin, what was this "meeting" about last Friday? Where did it take place?

KA: Well, as you know, I'm really important. So, a lot of the details I will not be able to pass along to you or your readers. What I can tell you is that I don't really remember a thing about last Friday night. I was kind of hoping you could tell me what my meeting was about.

Me: Kevin, were you in Dallas, TX last Friday?

KA: Hold on... My nur... maid... said that, yes, that is possible.

Me: You don't remember?

KA: There's a lot about the last week I don't remember. Man, my head is killing me.

Me: Kevin, I'm going to cut to the chase.

KA: Not a problem, Ian. I'm glad to sit down and talk to you. Go ahead with the first questions.

Read the rest of my exclusive interview with Kevin Antcliff...

Me: There's been rampant speculation on the internet that you fought Evander Holyfield last Friday in Dallas. Did you?

KA: That's a good question, Ian. That's all I really have to say on that subject.

Me: Do you like to box, Kevin?

KA: Not anymore.

Me: when did that stop?

KA: I don't really know. Recently.

Me: Like last Friday night?

KA: That is a distinct possibility.

Me: Kevin, you have a shaved head with a goatee, right?

Kevin: Yes, I do. Does it look good?

Me: It looks fine. Kevin, how many people would you say sport such a look?

KA: Wikipedia says 11. I'd guess the number is actually quite higher. In the millions, most likely.

Me: Oh, really?

Kevin: Maybe billions.

Me: I don't think so, Kevin. When I went out for my morning coffee this morning, no one had a bald head and goatee

KA: Trillions, even.

Me: Last night at the movies? All the heads had hair, Kevin.

KA: How do you know? It was dark! Hats? Wigs?

Me: It's not dark before the movie, Kevin.

KA: Mmmm hmmm. That's one man's opinion.

Me: No, it's not. You know why? You wanna know why? Because I just yelled out my window and asked if anyone had a bald head and goatee. And no one answered, Kevin. No one. Care to comment on that?

KA: We're a very private group of people. Hold on. My freaking nurse has been letting this damn phone ring for like a week. Answer the freaking phone!

Ian, I have to be honest. I'm a little bothered by the tone of this "friendly interview" you suggested I do with you.

Me: How so?

KA: It just seems like you're on the attack. Like I'm hiding something.

Me: No, I'm just being pushy because I thought you were busy. Plus, that's how all the guys on TV do it.

KA: Ian, I can barely stand. I'm not busy.

Me: You can barely stand?

KA: It's this dang headache.

Me: Kevin, are you "Jeremy Bates"? Did you fight Evander Holyfield last week in Dallas?

KA: Heh. I've never even heard of Jeremy Bates. Who is he, some cool guy? I have no idea what you are trying to imply here. Jeremy Bates. Though he sounds hot, I am not him.

And don't EVER say the name Evander Holyfield to me again. EVER. I mean it, Casselberry. Don't test me.

Me: You have something against Evander Holyfield?

KA: Stop it! No more!

Me: Kevin.

KA: Stop the fight! He's beating the hell out of me!! Ouch!!!!

Me: Did you fight someone whose name rhymes with "Tevander Bolyfield" last Friday in Dallas?

KA: Dear Lord! The humanity!!

Me: Kevin? Stay with me.

KA: Sure. I'm glad to do it, Ian. Go ahead with the interview.

Me: This is a safe place here. You're in a safe place.

KA: Damn, my head.

Me: Kevin, hundreds of people around this country want to know: Are you "Jeremy Bates"?

KA: First of all - "hundreds"? Seriously? I've looked at your sitemeter. Second... Yes. I AM Jeremy Bates. And Jeremy Bates is me.

Me: For the record, you are admitting you are, in fact, "Jeremy Bates," the man who Evander Holyfield beat like a rug last week?

KA: It was rigged. I got in a good right hook, but did the ref stop the fight? No!

Me: Kevin/Jeremy, you were knocked out in the second round. At least that's what I read.

KA: And "HE" gets in 20-25 crushing blows, and the ref jumps in. Right as I was getting fired up.

Me: I didn't see the fight.

KA: I didn't see much of it, either. And please, call me Kevemy.

Me: I don't even know how to pronounce that. Kevin, is there anything you'd like to say to the people reading this today?

KA: Jerevin?

Me: Anything you'd like them to know?

KA: Really all I can concentrate on is this freaking headache. Don't box, people. You will get a really bad headache. I mean, man. It hurts.

Me: Kevin, you're a brave man.

KA: Who? Oh, right.

Me: A lot of people will admire you for telling your story today. Thank you.

KA: Not a problem, Ian. I'm glad to do it. Go ahead with the interview.

Me: We're done, Kevin. Really. I have to go now.