Sweaty Men Endeavors

The sports blog with the slightly gay name

Friday, August 25, 2006

Kevin Antcliff or "Jeremy Bates"?

Last Friday, Evander Holyfield returned to boxing to fight "Jeremy Bates," an "insurance salesman in "Parkersville, WV." But sources told Sweaty Men Endeavors that there was more to the story, and upon a closer look, we might find a familiar face. So the SME investigative team investigated the story, along with an intriguing correlation between the fight in Dallas and one Mr. Kevin Antcliff deciding to bring his blog to an end.

Coincidence? Well, that's why the SME investigative team investigates.

The question became a national curiosity when Deadspin picked up the story in its weekend coverage. Hundreds of readers tried to draw a connection between a bald-headed, goateed man stepping away from his blog just one day before another bald-headed, goateed man fought Evander Holyfield in Dallas.

Answers were demanded. And the SME investigative team serves the people. We tracked down Kevin Antcliff via Buddy List at his Colorado home, and he agreed to sit down for an exclusive interview, which you will only read here. Nowhere else. Not even Kevin's own blog. Because he's not blogging anymore.

Here's the interview:

Me: Kevin, first of all, thank you for agreeing to this interview. I know you're a busy man.

Kevin: Not really, but you're welcome, anyway. Hold on, Ian... Can we stop for a minute? I've had a BANGING headache for like, a week. I'm gonna grab some Ibuprofin real quick.

Me: You've been feeling this way for a week, you say?

KA: Roughly, yes. Friday will be about a week. Oh, wow. My nurse just told me today IS Friday. How messed up is that?

Me: You have a nurse? How long have you had one?

KA: No, I said maid. No need for a nurse.

Me: No, you said nurse.

KA: Nope. Why would I say nurse?

Me: You typed it, Kevin. It's right there.

KA: Huh. But today IS Friday?

Me: How long have you had a nurse, Kevin?

Kevin: My maid started last Saturday.

Me: What exactly does your "maid" do for you?

KA: Well...I mean, like cleaning. And she helps me move my arms and remember my name.

Me: She helps you move your arms?

KA: Hey, it's my pleasure. I'm glad to talk to you.

Me: Kevin, where were you last Friday night?

KA: Who?

Me: You. Kevin Antcliff. Where were you last Friday night?

KA: Me. Right. Friday. I was in a meeting.

Me: A meeting.

KA: I think so, yes. Sorry. Did I pass out again, or did you just not ask any questions?

Me: You've been passing out?

KA: I hope not. That would suck.

Me: Kevin, what was this "meeting" about last Friday? Where did it take place?

KA: Well, as you know, I'm really important. So, a lot of the details I will not be able to pass along to you or your readers. What I can tell you is that I don't really remember a thing about last Friday night. I was kind of hoping you could tell me what my meeting was about.

Me: Kevin, were you in Dallas, TX last Friday?

KA: Hold on... My nur... maid... said that, yes, that is possible.

Me: You don't remember?

KA: There's a lot about the last week I don't remember. Man, my head is killing me.

Me: Kevin, I'm going to cut to the chase.

KA: Not a problem, Ian. I'm glad to sit down and talk to you. Go ahead with the first questions.

Read the rest of my exclusive interview with Kevin Antcliff...

Me: There's been rampant speculation on the internet that you fought Evander Holyfield last Friday in Dallas. Did you?

KA: That's a good question, Ian. That's all I really have to say on that subject.

Me: Do you like to box, Kevin?

KA: Not anymore.

Me: when did that stop?

KA: I don't really know. Recently.

Me: Like last Friday night?

KA: That is a distinct possibility.

Me: Kevin, you have a shaved head with a goatee, right?

Kevin: Yes, I do. Does it look good?

Me: It looks fine. Kevin, how many people would you say sport such a look?

KA: Wikipedia says 11. I'd guess the number is actually quite higher. In the millions, most likely.

Me: Oh, really?

Kevin: Maybe billions.

Me: I don't think so, Kevin. When I went out for my morning coffee this morning, no one had a bald head and goatee

KA: Trillions, even.

Me: Last night at the movies? All the heads had hair, Kevin.

KA: How do you know? It was dark! Hats? Wigs?

Me: It's not dark before the movie, Kevin.

KA: Mmmm hmmm. That's one man's opinion.

Me: No, it's not. You know why? You wanna know why? Because I just yelled out my window and asked if anyone had a bald head and goatee. And no one answered, Kevin. No one. Care to comment on that?

KA: We're a very private group of people. Hold on. My freaking nurse has been letting this damn phone ring for like a week. Answer the freaking phone!

1 Comments:

  • At August 25, 2006 3:00 PM, Blogger the sports dude said…

    Yes, the sports dude is truly alive and doing well, sounds like he is doing much better than Mr. Batesliff. Sorry to see you go, if you even remember you went anywhere and best wishes in whatever you are doing now, that is if you remember you are suppose to actually be doing something, somewhere, wherever it is.

     

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