Happy Hour 05/04: The Worst Idea I've Heard All Week

Leading up to last weekend's NFL Draft, I often thought about how grossly overstuffed the coverage has become. The hype kicked into overdrive at least a month before the actual event, with ESPN devoting several weekday prime time hours, in addition to what was on NFL Live and SportsCenter, to rumor and speculation surrounding which names would be called out in New York. Who was rising up, falling down, calling about a trade, smoking pot, healing from injuries, etc.?

Of course, I can't get too indignant about it all. It's not like I wasn't watching enough of that stuff for terms like "ball recognition," "high motor," and "smooth hips" to almost become a regular part of my vocabulary.

But eventually, the line has to be drawn somewhere. And if the latest rumors are true, it's time to get out that chalk or tape and start making some of those lines. According to a story in the Minneapolis Star-Tribune (via AOL Fanhouse), the ratings for last Saturday's coverage were so good that the NFL is looking into possibly moving the first round to the Friday night of its draft weekend.

My first thought was this: The NFL realizes this year's first round took six #@$%ing hours to complete, right? How many of you are keen on watching five guys sitting at a desk, assorted football highlights, and draft selection crawls going across, up, and down the screen until 2 a.m. after you just finished the work week?

To me, the NFL Draft already has an undercurrent of depression, in that you're staying inside to watch this stuff on what's often the first Saturday of the year with gorgeous Spring weather. I don't know about you, but I don't usually ask other people what they did that weekend because I don't want to respond to "Man, I did a lot of yard work; the house looks great," "We went to the beach," "I went bicycling," "We picnicked and played frisbee at the park," or "We went to a ballgame and sat in the bleachers," with "I wasted the entire day, until the sun went down, with the shades drawn and a 12-pack of beer beside me, waiting to see which pro team drafted Drew Stanton."

Actually, that's a reason they should have the draft on Friday night, isn't it?

But doesn't the whole thing just work better when you can work the rest of your day around the draft? Maybe your significant other shows you how much she loves you by planning to do something else while you sit home and watch TV. Maybe you get that yard work or those errands done before or after your favorite team picks. Can any of those scenarios easily occur on a Friday night? Shouldn't you be out trying to forget the work week while having dinner or seeing a movie? Or blowing off steam watching some live music or a ballgame? If you stay home, shouldn't you be spending time with your family? Or having sex with someone - even if it's yourself?

And I could be wrong, but this isn't something that you sit in a sports bar to watch, is it? There's no flow, no rhythm, no rise and fall to watching the NFL Draft. There aren't any great moments like a home run, a 60-yard touchdown pass, a shot from the blue line, or a buzzer-beating three pointer. What makes you high-five your friends or the people sitting near you? Sure, there's some drama to it, but it's really slow-developing stuff, like watching Brady Quinn and his family flee to Roger Goodell's private suite after 10 teams have passed on him. I'm sure sports bars would be fine with you adding to your bar tab as you sit and wait for hours, though.

This would be messing too much with the world order, NFL. Don't get too greedy. You already get enough of our time, attention, and energy. You're talking about upsetting the balance of life. And that's something we should be able to #@$% up on our own, without your help.