Sweaty Men Endeavors

The sports blog with the slightly gay name

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Fernando Vina is still stealing money

Did you see that Fernando Vina, who received $6 million from the Tigers, presumably to play second base for them for two seasons, rather than hop back-and-forth from the disabled list, signed a minor-league contract with the Mariners?

Vina talked about retiring last season, but apparently, if you just smear ointment on all that money and place it directly onto your torn hamstring and/or knee, all the owie get better! And if you use the bigger bills, you'll heal faster. Oh yeah, it's totally homeopathic, especially if you, like, use herbs and stuff. But you won't know if it works, of course, until your contract runs out, so don't push it.

Lookout Landing
doesn't think the signing makes much sense unless Vina can coach Seattle's younger players on proper goatee grooming. So that leads me to this question:

How the #@$% did Fernando Vina convince another organization to let him steal money?

While writing this from a bookstore cafe, I can see the Personal Finance section with all kinds of books on how to make the most of your money, how to make a fortune, etc. How does Fernando Vina not have a book in that section? Where is How to Sucker a Baseball Team by Showing You Can Field Grounders at Second Base? I might buy that book. You wouldn't need Suze Orman or Jim Cramer with that advice to work with.

As a Tigers fan, I was grateful to Vina - along with Rondell White and Ivan Rodriguez - for signing with Detroit following the 119-loss 2003 season, which you might find in an encyclopedia under "really #@#%ing terrible baseball team." These guys showed that baseball wasn't completely dead here if free agents would come over to play. But there's a key word in that last sentence: "play." Vina played 29 games for the Tigers during the two years of his contract. That's only 29 more games than you or I played, in case you were wondering. So Vina was paid almost $207,000 each time he took the field.

They should make a movie about this guy. Screw jewel thieves or bank robbers. His uniform should be an ensemble of black knit cap, turtleneck, and jeans. Oh, and bring that stuff that you can spray in the air to see where the lasers are, so no alarms are set off. I think he can use it to oil his baseball mitt, too.

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3 Comments:

  • At January 11, 2006 1:55 PM, Blogger the sports dude said…

    Maybe this cat should get into the hall of fame for that all to perfect (which makes it all to scary!)goatee! Seriously, that has to penciled onto his face right?

    I guess he did us a favor, it showed we had no 2B anywhere in the organization and now we have Polanco, so yes he stole money, but it was for a good cause. Right?!?!

     
  • At January 14, 2006 9:02 PM, Anonymous ripi$money said…

    Honestly, Viña wasn't that good before his injury by the time he came on down to Detroit. I can't wait to see him crash and burn again.

     
  • At January 15, 2006 4:02 AM, Blogger Sam said…

    Y'know, I was confused about this too. I agree that his goatee alone should be enough to garner some attention, but the Mariners... I don't know. I should think only a team like the DRays or the Royals would be paying guys based on goatee awesomeity.

     

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