The Luckiest Coach on the Face of This Earth

[Yes, I know I'm a couple of days late on this, but dealing with the sick yesterday kept me away from the computer. So much like Big Al - welcome back, good buddy - I'm catching up on a few things I wanted to chime in on.]

I didn't catch Norv Turner's introductory press conference as San Diego Chargers head coach, but I can only imagine the first sentence began something like this: "Today... I consider myself... the luckiest..." Has any NFL coach ever feel into such a sweet gig @$$-backwards like this?

(Barry Switzer is a name that comes to mind, but at least he produced a head coaching record to be proud of at Oklahoma. And he got a Super Bowl out of his Cowboys gig, which sets the bar pretty high for ol' Norv.)

This sort of reminds me of the Detroit Pistons firing Rick Carlisle after two straight 50-win seasons. That looked like a potentially crazy move, also made largely because of personality clashes. Of course, a key difference is that Joe Dumars knew he had Larry Brown standing by while he made the announcement sitting side-by-side with Carlisle in what had to be one of the most bizarre pressers Detroit has ever seen.

As many have pointed out, Turner's record as a head coach is, well, not good. Yet here he is, taking over what was probably the best team in the NFL last season, largely because the Chargers' front office doesn't want to rock the boat. (Firing the coach who led them to that 14-2 record wasn't exactly the way to avoid choppy waters, however.) That's all this really is, right?

The Chargers obviously have a good thing going, and at this point in the offseason, they just wanted to bring in a guy who could - at the bare minimum - maintain the status quo. Turner knows that offense, and he has a good history of working well with quarterbacks and running games (as if LaDainian Tomlinson could get much better). So that should be covered. And on the defense, Norv's new right-hand man, Ted Cottrell, is familiar with the scheme and should keep it running smoothly. But just in case, Ron Rivera's on staff to step right in, if needed. This is head coaching by committee. If Norv can't motivate the locker room (as Jerry Rice has asserted), then this cafone has two capos to help him out with that. (Okay, I realize the mafia terminolgy's a bit much here.)

So if this set-up can yield a playoff win (and Norv has at least done that), then A.J. Smith and Dean Spanos can high-five themselves over glasses of chardonnay for making such an astute hire. But these championship windows don't stay open very long, so if the Chargers have blown it by making an utterly safe hire, it could be one of the all-time botch jobs. And that roster deserves a hell of a lot better.

Happy Hour 02/13: Fired Faster than Greased Lightning!

So if you're San Diego Chargers general manager A.J. Smith, do you wish you'd have just promoted Cam Cameron or Wade Phillips now?

I realize it probably wasn't looking very good with a big chunk of Marty Schottenheimer's staff running off to other gigs. But given how much chatter there was about Marty getting fired after San Diego was knocked out of the playoffs, isn't it now pretty clear that the Chargers really wanted to make a coaching change, but couldn't justify it after a 14-2 regular season, and the presumption that most of the band would get back together again?

But it's not like the Chargers won't have a stack of resumes to choose from. You could argue that the talent pool is even deeper now that the Super Bowl has passed. None of this "we'll have to talk after the playoffs" junk now. Or they could just talk to the other nine candidates Jerry Jones didn't hire in Dallas.

(By the way, do you think any of the guys who pounced on the six previous openings in the NFL are kicking themselves today? What's a better gig than taking over a 14-2 team?)

Reportedly, Schottenheimer clashed with Smith and team president Alex Spanos over trying to hire his brother Kurt as defensive coordinator. I'm guessing that upon receiving Marty's request, the following sentence might have been uttered by either Smith or Spanos: "Kurt Schottenheimer? Didn't Matt Millen fire that guy?" In the two years that Marty's younger brother oversaw the Detroit Lions' defense, they finished 30th and 28th in the NFL. Of course, he would've had far better players to work with in San Diego. But nepotism should only take a guy so far, don't you think?

▪▪ As you might imagine, Lions offensive coordinator Mike Martz has already been mentioned as a potential replacement for Schottenheimer. (Jay Crawford pitched his name on ESPN's "1st and 10.") But is it saying something that John Clayton has him listed last, behind four no-chance candidates, among his 12 possibilities for the job?

Happy Hour 01/15: The Curse Even L.T. Can't Lift

Facing the possibility of losing your job after a 14-2 regular season seems pretty harsh. But when your postseason record is 5-13, and your team - which might just have been the best in the NFL - is going home after losing in the divisional round of the playoffs, I suppose you have to deal with a tough crowd.

I feel bad for Marty Schottenheimer. And I found it hard to believe that there was talk about him being fired if the Chargers lost to the Patriots.

Yet here he is, trying to digest another playoff loss. And he can't just shrug his shoulders and chalk it up to John Elway's greatness anymore. This Chargers team was probably the best team he's ever had going into the postseason. Better than those Browns teams that lost to John Elway. Better than the Joe Montana Traveling Road Show in Kansas City.

It wasn't Schottenheimer that fumbled away an interception, giving New England the ball back on the San Diego 32-yard line. Had Marlon McCree hung onto that ball, the game might have been over. The Chargers had an eight-point lead, and could've run a big chunk of the remaining six-and-a-half minutes off the clock. Yet the Patriots capitalized on the opportunity - because that's what they do - and tied the game five plays later.

However, the head coach may have made the situation even worse by challenging for a replay when it was glaringly obvious that McCree had fumbled. Down by contact? No chance, Coach. Burning what turned out to be a precious time-out on such an unnecessary challenge likely cost the Chargers crucial yards they needed for a game-tying field goal attempt.

And Schottenheimer did make the call to go for it on 4th-and-11 from the New England 30-yard line. Was he just trying not to be Andy Reid? Sure, that decision was made in the first quarter and didn't directly affect the outcome of the game. But those three points ended up being pretty important.

Dropped passes? Muffed punts? Turnovers? Personal foul and unnecessary roughness penalties? Even though the head coach didn't botch those plays, we know where the blame for such mental mistakes ultimately falls.

This one really has to hurt. Because the MVP, LaDainian Tomlinson, had a good enough game for his team to win. And the Patriots looked as beatable as they ever have in the Belichick/Brady era. Schottenheimer may never have had a better chance than this - and it could be the last one he gets.