This might not be helping Tommy Amaker

It can't be a very good sign when Rob Parker is defending you, can it? After all, this is the same guy who's brought us such sportswriting gold as calling the Tigers' Dave Dombrowski the worst general manager in Detroit last season.

(Much more, of course, can be found at the "Wobb Parker, Sooper Geenus" database at The Wayne Fontes Experience. On more of a personal note, I'd like to say to Big Al, "Good luck. We're all counting on you.")

So in today's Detroit News - which has several pieces on not only Michigan basketball's currently precarious situation, but on the Big Ten's NCAA tournament hopes, as well - Parker says Amaker shouldn't be fired.

In the process, Parker lists several reasons why Amaker should keep his job - first and foremost being that two top-notch recruits are coming in next season, and a coaching change could cause some alienation. And that could very well be the reason that Amaker won't be fired.

From there on, however, Parker goes into full excuse-making mode, using the same stuff he would surely use to call for a coach's firing. Unfortunately for Michigan fans, we've heard these rationalizations already. The clean-up job in lieu of the Ed Martin scandal. The successful NIT runs. The team's overall won-loss record this season. And perhaps lamest of all, injuries are used as an excuse.

There isn't a single person who watched Wednesday night's loss to Iowa and thought to him or herself, "Boy, Michigan would've won that game if not for injuries." Michigan did, however, lose that game in large part because of Amaker's continued failure to install any sort of consistent offensive or defensive schemes that can lead to a good shot or key stop. When his players needed to be sharpest, they looked lost.

And while we're on the subject of looking lost out on the floor, one of the major factors in Michigan's recent lack of success is cited by Eric Lacy elsewhere in the Detroit News: Terrible point guard play. Is it unfair to criticize a coach for an inability to properly tutor the position he played in college? Because I'm thinking a former point guard could be criticized for an inability to develop any point guards.

But back to Parker and his case for Amaker. What's funny is that the whole thing falls apart at the end because of two points brought up to support his argument.

Don't forget that in his second season, Amaker's squad went 10-6 in the Big Ten, tied for third.

Well, that would mean the team's actually getting worse, not better. Right? Or am I missing something?

Maryland gave coach Gary Williams time to fix its troubled program. Williams took over in 1989. Five years later, the program's first season off probation, the Terrapins received their first NCAA bid since 1988. Williams led Maryland to a national championship in 2002. Hence, it wound up taking Williams 13 years to accomplish his ultimate goal.

Amaker's had six years. I was an English major in college (as anyone who's asked me to calculate a tip can tell you), but that's one more than five, isn't it? And in his sixth season, Michigan likely won't make the NCAA tournament. Williams' Maryland team went 26-8, tied for first in the ACC, and scored a #3 seed in the West Region. Thus, he earned the seven subsequent years it took him to win a national championship.

I'm not sure you're doing Coach Amaker any favors, Rob. Or maybe you should keep writing columns in support of Amaker. After all, looked how your anti-Dombrowski column worked out for the Tigers. It's like the Seinfeld opposite theory: “If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right.”

Put those fingers away, son

I didn't watch a whole lot of sports over the weekend, so I very well could've missed other and better candidates. But my vote for Sports Moron of the Weekend goes to Seattle's Yuniesky Betancourt for pointing to his dugout and celebrating after hitting a ninth-inning drive to left field off Todd Jones. That ball went deep!

... And then landed in Alexis Gomez's glove a step in front of the fence.

Jones bent forward, hands on knees, with a sigh of relief, and a Saturday night save. Betancourt skulked back to the dugout looking like a Jeremy Shockey-esque idiot - especially considering that his error earlier in the game led to the Tigers' game-winning run.

Strangely, the Baseball Karma Gods saw fit to reward this preening schmoe the next day, guiding his ground ball with a remote control under and around the gloves of Brandon Inge and Carlos Guillen. Go figure.

▪▪ So let me get this straight, Rob Parker: The American League has a 56-win advantage against the National League in interleague play this season, but the "senior circuit" guys are still better?

"Don't be fooled by the outcome when the two leagues met head-to-head"? What? 56 more wins! Is that some kind of optical illusion? Are those bats really magic wands?

"AL fans can basically sit back and simply wait for someone to hit a three-run homer." Right, because that's exactly how the Tigers have accumulated the best record in baseball this season. Again, what?!

This is why I'll need to eat soft food in my old age. My teeth will have been ground to powder.

They're so vain

Wasn't yesterday's press conference at Allen Park supposed to be about the Lions, and their new head coach, Rod Marinelli? Yet as I watched the tape of the presser again last night, and listened to some audio of the interviews conducted afterwards, it seemed like there were people in attendance more interested in being the story than writing one.

(Photo by Bill Emkow/ MLive.com)

It reminded me of a comment the Houston Chronicle's Richard Justice made on his blog a couple of months ago. To me, Justice is one of the best sportswriters/ columnists in the country (and not just because of his superhero name). Not only is he a good writer with great instincts and insights, but he has a strong sense of what makes a good story. He knows how to do his job, and doesn't get swayed by what the fans think he should be doing.

Here's what he had to say about grandstanding journalists:

First rule of journalism is this: if you've got a good question, if you're really looking for information, you don't ask it in a news conference.

Whenever you hear a reporter asking a tough question in a news conference, that reporter isn't interested in the answer. He's only interested in letting everyone know how tough he is.

Hmm, does that apply to anyone you saw or heard at the Marinelli press conference?

Later in the post, he demonstrates how reporters really get information, and what sorts of questions they ask. They don't fling unanswerable questions at someone in some fraudulent display of bravado and phony machismo.

¿Quien es mas macho, Rob Parker? Wow, what a tough guy. No wonder he calls himself "America's angry black sports columnist." Did he have his shirt unbuttoned with full chest hair showing when he told Marinelli that "fans were tired of the talk," and asked if the Lions were going to make the playoffs next year. Greg Eno used the word "asinine" to describe Parker's question, which seems entirely appropriate. Journalism professors should use it as an example of what kinds of questions not to ask.

For one thing, it's essentially asking for a "yes" or "no" answer, which doesn't make for a good quote. And, as Evan said in response to yesterday's post, what the hell was Marinelli supposed to say? In his column for today's Detroit News, Parker envisions the answer he (and, ostensibly, we) wanted:

"Of course, we are going to make the playoffs next season. There's enough talent here to get that done. We just have to get some things straightened out. And if we don't make the playoffs in the next season or two, I won't be here. You guys will be right back here with a new coach."

Isn't making the playoffs an obvious expectation for the Detroit Lions? If it wasn't, Marinelli wouldn't have been introduced as the Lions' new coach yesterday. Back here in reality, Parker knew Marinelli wasn't going to answer that question (or his ridiculous query about Marinelli's age). And it was silly to expect that the coach would. But Parker was going to ask it anyway. Why? Because he wants to show how big his huevos rancheros are, with everyone watching. He wanted to ask the "tough questions" that no one else in the press corps was asking. And by doing so, he was making himself the story.

And hey, maybe it worked. I'm not writing about Mitch Albom's questions on quarterbacks, am I?

But Parker wasn't the only cowboy in the press corps yesterday. After the press conference, the Detroit Free Press' Drew Sharp asked Matt Millen why Detroit fans should believe his third coaching hire will be right this time. And the Oakland Press' Pat Caputo asked Millen about his accountability, pointing a finger for emphasis. More bold questions - the kinds that fans and readers supposedly want their sportswriters to ask. The kinds of questions that need to be asked!

But no, they don't need to be asked. Not when they won't generate a good answer. Not when their only intent is to make the subject squirm and/ or frown. Maybe that makes for a great sound bite (and Caputo's buddies at WXYT were patting him all over the back yesterday for taking on Millen) or a funny clip on TV when Millen testily answers, "How do you want me to answer that question?"

But is it really good journalism? Did you learn anything more about Matt Millen or the Lions' plans after those questions? (I suppose some might say yes.) Did you think Millen was going to reconsider his plans right there on the spot and resign? So what was really accomplished, other than looking tough in the eyes of fans and colleagues? Did those writers get any good copy for their articles today? Parker had to make up Marinelli's answers to fill out his column.

I'm really not trying to tell these guys how to do their jobs. Okay, maybe I am. But I like journalists. I admire sportswriters. I'd love to be one, in case this blog didn't tell you otherwise. But just as the Parkers, Sharps, and Caputos of the world were presumably demanding more from Marinelli and Millen yesterday, I'm asking for more from the reporters and columnists who cover the teams I follow.

You probably thought yesterday's press conference was about you. Didn't you? But guess what - I didn't pick up today's newspapers to read about you. I wanted to read about the Lions' new head coach. Write the story, don't be the story.

▪▪ Check out Tom Kowalski's thoughts on his colleagues' behavior, courtesy of MLive's Highlight Reel.

Stand up straight, men! It's the Marinelli Live Blog!

10:00 - Here we go. Millen slumbers up to the podium almost sheepishly, with a forced smile. ("Please don't ask me mean questions.") He looks like me when I have to go to church.

10:03 - "We've been patient," Millen said. "It was thorough." There's your slogan for the 2006-07 season. The t-shirts are probably being printed as we speak.

10:05 - Marinelli addresses the press with "Good morning, men." He doesn't ask anyone to stand at attention, or drop and give him 20, though, which has to be a relief to the press corps.

10:06 - Marinelli begins with sort of an Oscar acceptance speech, running through his coaching mentors and philosophies, and the players who worked hard for him - "great men." But will he finish defining himself before the orchestra plays him off the stage?

10:07 - He looks much younger than 56. To me, Marinelli's age was one of the red flags in his hiring. But he's a young, energetic-looking 56. That'll probably change. Millen, who's going on 48, looks much older.

10:08 - Marinelli again addresses the media as "men." This press conference would be much more fun if drums and flutes, or "Ride of the Valkyries," were playing in the background. ("I love the smell of muscle balm in the morning!")

10:10 - Call me a sucker, but as Marinelli talks about how he wants his team to play, and how he coaches, he looks like he's ready to pick up the podium, tear it apart, and tackle someone. Compare that to the awkward dorkiness of Marty ("The bar is hiiigh") Mornhinweg.

10:11 - First question from the press. Marinelli didn't bark back to the reporter, "Ask me like you've got a pair, son!" which is kind of disappointing.

10:13 - "Look at my tape," he says when asked how he sold himself. "That's who I am." You think he ever pulled that line on a first date?

10:15 - When asked about his offensive philosophy, Marinelli said he wants to "run the ball. With power. And I want to defend it with power." Somewhere in Texas, a tear runs down the face of Roy Williams. Elsewhere, Damien Woody just put down his party sub.

10:16 - First speed bump of the day: Did Marinelli just mention Eric Hipple as a quarterback he had a good relationship with? Not sure that was the right name to drop, Rod... er, I mean, sir. Brad Johnson? Okay, that's a little better.

10:18 - Marinelli points out that he wasn't just a position coach, he was an "assistant head coach." What does that involve? "Interaction with the team... being involved with practice schedules. I've trained to be a head coach." No word on whether he got to wear the headphones with the microphone, though.

Stop slouching, son! Keep reading!

10:21 - Here's the sell job: Marinelli is the anti-Mariucci. "You got to change habits with men... how you work, how you practice... how much you enjoy practicing in pads because it's good for you."

10:23 - When asked about Joey Harrington, he says "I don't know what he was taught, or asked to do." But he sees talent. Somewhere, Tom Izzo is nearby to console Mooch in this moment of need. ("It's okay, Mooch. It's okay. You're still my tough guy.")

10:25 - Larry Lage asks Marinelli if he has the confidence to do the job. "See, I've got confidence." I'm waiting for him to challenge a reporter to "come up here and kick me in the Jimmy!" Go on up there, Larry!

10:27 - Rob Parker, bad-aaassss sports columnist: "Fans are tired of the talk. Is this team going to make the playoffs next year?" Marinelli answers with coaching cliches ("It's a show-me game," "It's every Sunday").

10:29 - But Rob won't back down! That's what you're facing, Coach! Rob Parker is the voice of the fans, sir! "Come oooooooooon, Wod!" What a face-off! It's like watching Sgt. Foley and Zack Mayo go at it in An Officer and a Gentleman. ("You're out!" "I got nowhere else to go!")

10:31 - A line has been drawn. Sgt. Marinelli doesn't like the personal questions. "Don't be too personal." Don't ask him about serving in Vietnam, Nancy!

10:34 - A key question from Tom Kowalski: How do you sell practicing in pads to a team that hasn't done it for five years? Ooooh, Killer - you just walked into the Sargeant's wheelhouse. "I believe in morale," he says. "It's not about punishment... it's about improving... getting better."

10:35 - Sarge isn't done yet. He practically gives a clinic in tackling, right there at the podium. "It's a game of hips when you tackle, not push and shove." He looks ready to tackle Kowalski right now. "You play this game low!"

And after that, Marinelli and Millen went outside, took off their shirts in the show, bumped chests, and killed and ate a deer raw! Well, TV cameras didn't show that. But I think that's what happened.

The whole press conference seemed like a direct response to all the criticism the Lions have been taking, a show for the media and the players. Too soft? This guy is hard. "No excuses, no explanations - just standards." This man watches tape and pushes players to be men. (I'll have to go back and count how many times "tape" and "men" were said.) He ain't filmin' Ford commercials, people!

Again, maybe I'm an easy sell. If so, I'll drop and give you 20. But I was impressed by Marinelli. Was he saying what we all wanted to hear? Sure. (Unless you were hoping for an offensive guru.) I thought there was a little too much "Well, I know what I'm talking about - because I watch tape and you don't" from him. But we want someone to come in here, kick ass, take names, and forge a winning football team. And it looks like that's what we're getting.

I do wonder, however, if Millen's gone a little too far to the other extreme here. Steve Mariucci ran a country club locker room that was easy on the players. His replacement is running a boot camp. It would've been nice if Millen faced the press to answer for this, but maybe he felt he gave the press their shots when he fired Mariucci.

If not for the fact that his former players seem to love him, I'd worry that he'll burn these guys out fast. Of course, there's a big difference between running one single unit and overseeing an entire team. But if players - and people - really want to be led, maybe this is the right guy. I reserve the right to change my mind, however, until we see what kinds of assistant coaches Marinelli is able to bring in. Will we get the wizard offensive coordinator so many of us are hoping for? (My magic 8-ball says no.)

So when does training camp start?

(Image from "Get Fuzzy" ©2006 Darby Conley/ Dist. by UFS, Inc.)