Sweaty Men Endeavors

The sports blog with the slightly gay name

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Ron, I understand and I want to help

The Kings are in town to play the Pistons tonight, yet I'm thinking of Ron Artest. Why? If you didn't know already, Ol' Run-Into-the-Stands Ronnie has asked the Indiana Pacers to trade him. And Sacramento is reportedly a potential destination for the "eccentric" (and by using quotation marks, I mean quite possibly bat$#!+ crazy) "Tru Warier."

The Kings could probably use him, too. In the game I'm watching, Peja Stojakovic (whom the Pacers would likely receive in any trade) is getting abused by Tayshaun Prince. It's not pretty to watch. Peja really isn't even trying. Hell, I might do a better job playing defense. Not just because it might take Tayshaun longer to run around me, but I might actually, well, move my feet. Anyway, my point is that a guy who takes pride in his defense - such as Artest - would be extremely beneficial to the Kings.

But it might not be the best move for Ron. See, he's already said that his first preference is to play in New York. Maybe that's because that's his hometown. He was born in Queens, and went to college at St. John's - he's a New Yorker at heart. But I wonder if there might be more to it than that.

There have been many great man-crush romances in the world of sports. For instance, John Madden has been endlessly in love with Brett Favre for years. ESPN's Pedro Gomez demonstrated an undying devotion to Barry Bonds at the beginning of this past baseball season. Here in Detroit, we've seen Dennis Rodman's great love for Chuck Daly, and more recently, Steve Mariucci's affection for Jeff Garcia. And hey, I'm guilty myself, having once expressed my man-crush on Tom Brady.

Ron Artest has missed Isiah Thomas ever since he was fired as Indiana's head coach. The two formed a close friendship, but Isiah had to move on to New York, while Ron was trapped in Indianapolis. Is it a coincidence that Artest's most infamous display of sheer insanity was in Detroit, where Isiah established his legendary NBA career? November 19, 2004 was a cry for help, and we should've realized that.

We understand, Ron - we loved Isiah, too. He was a small guy taking on the big men, defying preconceived notions of basketball success. He was fiercely competitive, with a burning desire to win. And win he did, bringing Detroit two NBA championships. But most of all, we remember that smile. Oh, Isiah.

Ron just wants to be with Isiah. Are you listening, Indiana Pacers? Don't trade him to Sacramento, Dallas, or Cleveland. (And if you're stupid enough to trade him to Miami, I hope you have to face the Heat in the Eastern Conference playoffs. Burn, baby, burn.) I know he's made you miserable. And after you stuck by him, despite all of the trouble he's caused, you probably feel jilted and betrayed. But don't stand between a man and his happiness. Let Ron go to New York. Let him reunite with Isiah. Let him be happy.

A happy Ron Artest is the best thing for all of us. Make this happen. Deep down, these are the types of endings we all want to see.


  • At December 15, 2005 10:13 AM, Blogger the sports dude said…

    First I want to say this, I don't care where he ends up because he never should have been allowed to come back to the NBA anyway. Alright, bitterness aside, could you imagine him in New York? Actually, could you imagine LB dealing with the major asshole Artest + the major asshole Marbury? Damn, before too long, LB will be running into the stands himself! But not to brawl, rather to climg to the rafters and jump! Later.

  • At December 15, 2005 11:28 AM, Blogger Chris said…

    I was at the Pistons game last night and in the middle of the 4th quarter, the fans started chanting "Fire Millen"

  • At December 15, 2005 11:36 AM, Blogger Ian C. said…

    Sports Dude, I'd be lying if I said LB having to deal with Artest isn't another reason I hope he's traded there. Schaudenfreude is a bitch!

    Chris, it's the craze sweeping the nation! (Or at least the metro Detroit area.) Did you see today's Detroit News?


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