Sweaty Men Endeavors

The sports blog with the slightly gay name

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Daddy's home, and he's not happy

Right now, I feel like a parent who's been gone for a week, only to return to a house that's been trashed by the kids.

I leave for one week, Detroit Pistons, and come home to a 3-1 deficit in your series with the Miami Heat?

No, don't speak. You've already done enough. It's my turn to talk, Misters. You'd better think long and hard about what you've done and how you're going to fix it.

What, you wanted to make this postseason even tougher? You fell behind 3-2 last year to the Heat, so you thought going down 3-1 this year would be more of a challenge? Oh, you've got yourself a challenge now, Detroit Pistons.

"If it ain't rough, it ain't right"? How rough do you want it? How rough do you need it? You've got yourself some big-time rough right now. You guys look like the Red Wings out there. The Florida papers are already declaring you done (via MLive's Full-Court Press). How's that making you feel?

Don't look at the floor. Look at me when I'm talking to you. This is serious. You are lucky you haven't been swept in this series (despite Dick Bavetta's best efforts in Game 2).

And I'm not even going to reach into the "you could've drafted Dwyane Wade, but chose Darko instead" box, because I've already gone there before, and it's a moot point. But it would be nice if you at least tried to stop him - foul calls or not.

Yes, I'm happy that you didn't take as many three-pointers last night, because you'd been taking far too many and looked like some Kentucky team that was a #1 seed in the NCAA tournament but took an upset loss when the threes stopped going in.

But that's (clearly) not enough. Stop blaming the officials. (Though I was almost inclined to side with you after fourth fouls on 'Sheed and Ben effectively killed last night's rally.) And stop complaining about the coach favoring offense over defense. Coaches and players chirping at each other through the press? You're already setting up the scapegoat for the offseason when the season isn't even over yet?

I don't even want to look at you right now. Where is your sense of accountability? Where the hell is your sense of responsibility?

You guys need to go to your rooms, and not come out until you're ready to play. You stare at those Dwyane Wade posters I taped to the ceilings, and the Shaq photos I put on the walls, and think about how you want to go down. Is this how you want this run to end?

I am very, very disappointed in you. And you should be disappointed too. Not just because of this series, but because Mom was going to make her famous Larry O'Brien trophy meat loaf tonight. And you know it's delicious. But there won't be anyone to eat it, because you guys will be up in your rooms, thinking about what you've done and what you're going to do about it. I'll just have to eat it myself. And you know I'm trying to watch how much I eat!

Walk upstairs in shame, Detroit Pistons. And if you're going to cry, you'd better do it in your pillows. Because if I hear any, I'm coming up there.

(Photo by Clarence Tabb, Jr./
Detroit News)

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  • At May 30, 2006 9:51 AM, Blogger the sports dude said…

    Speaking of the meatloaf, how about the Pistons, is it safe to stick a fork in them and call them done too?

    It almost looks like all the basketball these guys have played over the last four years has finally caught up to them, they just look slow and tired. I mean, when Shaq runs down the court on you for a layup and he is clearly faster than all your guys... yeah, I think you are tired when you get out raced by the big fella!

    Look, I will leave the officiating alone because you still have to make shots right? When you consistantly shoot in the high 30% range you are not going to win a lot of games, even if the ref's are clearly calling BS. And when you let a team shoot 50% to 60% on you in a game their ain't too much to say there either.

    I think the best thing for them to do is just lose, get some rest, let Joe D do some off season roster magic and come back next year. Thanks for the ride boys, now do what Ian said, go to your room, take a long summer nap and we will see you next season.

  • At May 30, 2006 1:55 PM, Blogger Big Al said…

    Jeez, Ian. You take a week off and the Pistons go all to hell...

    I never thought I'd see a "team" like the Pistons implode in such a sudden, public, ugly way. The Pistons are broke, and Joe D has some tough off season decisions to make in order to fx them.


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