Home! Run! Derby!

It wouldn't be completely unreasonable to get really excited about the 2006 Detroit Tigers now, would it?

Three wins, no losses? Hitters that are just - pardon me - #@$%in' flat-out mashing the ball, and suddenly treating games like batting practice? Another young pitcher coming out of the bullpen and pitching impressively?

And this wasn't even against the Kansas City Royals. These were the Texas Rangers, presumably a contender in the AL West and a more appropriate barometer for success. Of course, when Lone Star Ball has its hand over its face as the Rangers gave their fans "R.A. Dickey on the mound, Nevin and Dumpmaster D hitting 4th and 5th, and Adrian Brown hitting 7th," that should probably be taken into consideration. (And check out the comments in that open thread if you want some smiles with your morning coffee.)

The first four innings were like a SportsCenter highlight reel. I was so entranced that I completely forgot about Pistons-Heat on TNT. (How'd they do? Oh yeah? Cool.)

Hey, why is Brandon Inge leading off the game? Where's Curtis Gr-- Is that a home run? Yeah!

... You know, Inge did a pretty good job leading off last year. Maybe it would take some pressure off Granderson if-- Home run, Magglio Ordonez!

Chris Shelton's next two at-bats? Home runs. Are "Big Red" or "AROUS" appropriate nicknames for this guy anymore? How long before he outgrows those? At what point does he earn the nickname "Babe"? Babe Shelton. Tell me there's not a ring with that.

Craig Monroe? Looong gone! Marcus Thames? Touch 'em all!

R.A. Dickey? Dude gave up six home runs. He might want to reconsider this whole knuckleball thing. At least stop tossing it underhand, or whatever he was doing last night. On the bright side, he can say he tied a major league record. Can you imagine Buck Showalter and his pitching coach, Mark Connor, in the clubhouse, going over the box score like Joe Riggins and Larry Hockett in Bull Durham? ("New league record!")

Oh, and Magglio added another home run in the ninth inning. But Dickey didn't give that one up. He was probably on his way to the minors by that point.

Is Troy Percival's advance scouting really that good?

Man, I can't wait to see how the Tigers follow up that game! Hell yeah, I'll be watching their next two ga-- What's that? Next two games aren't on TV? You're kidding, right? How can every one of their opening week road games not be televised? Wouldn't you want to generate some excitement and whet Detroit fans' appetite for baseball when the home team arrives next week?

No? One-fourth of the schedule isn't on TV this season? No other team in the majors has fewer games televised. Son of a... Who the #@$% came up with that genius plan?